To all those who I have possibly let
down in the last week or so, I am sorry, but I had to. I have been trying
desperately to get enough free time to be able to write, and do my
own happy little musical thing, and every time I manage to find the
time, I am gripped by stress and worry and anxiety about all the
other things I have promised other people I am going to do, which leaves me unable to do it anyway. The only
way for me to be able to get on and do the work I want to do, is to
let go of all the other stuff that I was mostly doing for other
people. So sorry to those who no longer have a stand in bass player
for far away gigs. And sorry to those who no longer have a decent
little guitarist in their nice little earner projects. Also sorry to
those who have proposed really excellent little bands to me in the
last week, other guys are available.
I realise that having been the musician
who can't say no, is in fact ruining me as a functioning human being.
I spend far too much time worrying about when I will have a free
weekend, or decent amount of weeknights, in which I might be able to
relax, and hang out with my wife and my dog. OR just worrying that I
don't have time to fit in all the things I am supposed to be doing at
all. And being of a certain age now, I really do value a nice bit of
time at home in a way I never used to when I was young and proper
rock and roll. The afore mentioned wife and dog both look at me and
shake their heads every time I load the car up and go out to play
another gig I don't really want to and they are right to. I had very
nearly got to the point where I was going to just stop playing with
anybody else at all, and was going to retire to my studio and just do
my own stuff again (which I have very much done before). But then I
figured I could just say no to some things, so I did. And I feel a
whole lot better, and the summer schedule looks nicer than it did,
and I look forward to going out to band practices again. Particularly
when there's now no more than one a week.
So, again, I am very sorry to you chaps
I have let down, but let it be known, that had I not, I would have
been cursing your names all summer long as I dragged myself out to
play music I don't really like as much as I thought, in places I
don't want to be. I hope you all find people who are better suited to
the job than I am. Do please keep sending me your offers, as once I
am cured of this current bout of misery, I'll probably want to get
out there with everyone I can again.
The problem is, as always, that when it
starts to feel like work, like a job that I have to go out and do,
then I really don't want to do it, and the day I don't want to play
music anymore will be a very very dark day in my life, and I don't
want it to happen. So I'd rather upset a few people, than bugger up
my favourite thing forever.
So sorry again chaps, I hope this
explains it all a little better for you.
By the way, I am still not entirely
sure how many bands I am in, and how many I have left this week. Can
anyone who thinks I am still in a band with them please let me know,
and I'll tell you if you're right or not.
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