I am neither racist,
misogynist nor homophobe. But (and I am aware that a but after any of
those statements, let alone all three never portends well) like a lot
of people (though we never admit it to ourselves) I have to work at
it. We need the so-called 'PC brigade' to keep us all in check, as we
are still occasionally surprised by what is offensive to others. A
little more than we would like to admit.
Let me clarify
slightly, I am not saying we are all inherently awful, or that I
secretly want to put on a bedsheet and burn crosses. But, I am a
product of a very different Great Britain than the one we live in
now. I was born in the 70s, and was brought up in an era (and in the westcountry, before you london types tell me I'm wrong) when it was
perfectly ordinary to nip into the paki-shop to buy some beers on
your way to pick up a chinky for dinner. I apologise unreservedly for
using those terms, but back then nobody ever batted an eyelid, except
for the 'right-on' trendy comedians, who I eventually learned were
right. At primary school all the best jokes were about Ethiopians,
Jews and the N-word (even I'm not typing that one now, but it was
thrown around everywhere back in the 80s, and even the early 90s, and
right up until Hip Hop records decided to claim it back, so maybe
that worked, however distasteful I still find it). And we all
collected Robinsons Golliwogs, which are a fond memory, but really
shouldn't be, even the Golly my grandmother knitted for me leaves
something of a bad taste now.
And it wasn't just
the casual racism that was rife, we still all tell people they throw
like a girl, or say a throwaway 'gaaaay' at them if they do something
we consider feminine. I would like to say that I didn't do this, but
it is such ingrained behaviour that it is difficult to stop, however
much I hate myself whenever I catch me doing it. I even find myself
using the 'some of my best friends are gay' line to defend it, but it
is no defence. Even though those aforementioned friends also do it,
one of them once told me 'I may be gay Dave, but you're a raving poof
in that hat.' That's how ingrained it is, and it was an awesome hat,
so perhaps he was referring to the stereotype of the homosexual as
snappy dresser.
Women are still
getting the rough end of the stick as well (ooer missus, etc. etc.)
The 'gaaaaay' insult is not used merely as a distaste for
homosexuality, it is aimed at men who act in a feminine manner. You
can tell, because nobody ever said it to a tomboy did they? Feminine
behaviour in men is deemed bad, and denigrated by using homosexuality
as an insult (to fall back on a lazy stereotype, often by young men
who use a great deal of hair product) I fail to see how either of
those things can be acceptable in an equal, caring society like the
one we supposedly live in.
Then there's the
language we use for women. Upon seeing an attractive girl, the first
thing many of us think (and say in a lot of cases) is something along
the lines of 'I would ruin that', or 'I would do awful things to
her,' which at least removes the indefinite article from the
equation. I know 'I would very much like to enjoy some consensual
acts of mutual affection with that strong, confident woman', doesn't
have quite the same ring to it, but it would definitely be better,
wouldn't it? Objectifying women is never a good thing, and describing
the sexual act as a bad thing is even worse.
When we see a new
female musical act or comedian, or even a newsreader, our first
reaction is to judge their appearance
(read
this excellent piece by Public Service Broadcasting's J. Willgoose if
you don't believe me). Not a single online conversation about any
female in the public eye goes without somebody saying something along
the lines of 'and she's not bad to look at either,' or 'yeah but you
wouldn't would you?' This simply does not happen when discussing men.
The recent Diane Abbott/Jeremy Corbyn scandal evoked this reaction,
thousands of blokes expressing how unattractive they found Diane
Abbott (a plus sized black lady) and yet no women screaming about the
very idea of having sex with a skinny old pensioner (yes I know it
was back in the 70s when they were both young and thus conventionally
and acceptably attractive, and don't even get me started on the idea
that two single people having a consensual relationship is meant to
be a scandal). It got even worse when #piggate
broke (if you don't know what I mean then I don't know how you are
reading this online, I don't think the pig consented though). With
inevitable comparisons between Diane Abbott and a dead pig. Well done
internet.
The
Charlotte Proudman incident brought even more weirdness to light.
Both women and men weighing in on the wrong side and saying 'it was
just a compliment, why can't she take a compliment?' which sounds
fine. But if every other message from a phone number on the side of a
plumbers van was to tell him how attractive they thought the photo of
his arse crack on the back was, he'd get pretty tired of it quite
soon. And then he might get it.
I know words are
just words, and sticks and stones and all that, but no. Even the
ironic, post-modern use of old tired stereotypes now seems to just be
a way of allowing people to say dreadful things, and possibly still
mean them. It is, as always, not what we say, but the way that we say
it. Often, the 'can't you take a joke?' attitude, is hiding a more
prevailing one of 'I am much better than you simply because I am a
straight white man.' I know that saying all this makes me sound like
a whiny little bitch (spot the irony) but I have to point this stuff
out to myself all the time, I am saying, and thinking, and doing
awful things every day because I cannot be bothered to fight the
status quo. So are you, we all need to pick ourselves up a bit, and
change the prevailing attitude so that the next generation look back
on us with the same distaste we have for our slave owning, genocidal
forebears (yes, I do enjoy hyperbole).
What is excellent
in this brave new world we live in, is that we now find the paki shop
and the chinky unacceptable. Maybe not all of us, but most, and
making holocaust jokes is no longer all the rage. We look back at
things from 20 or 30 years ago in shock at the dreadful attitudes on
show. Sadly, rape humour is still rife, and using gay as an insult is
still perfectly normal. To take offence at such is just 'PC gone mad'
or suchlike. People said the same thing about wilful Racism back when
I was a kid, and that has changed now (when did somebody last call
you jewish for being a bit tight with your cash?) I hope that
misogyny and homophobia go the same way in the next generation, but
we need to work at it. These things have been hardwired into us by
our parents' generation, and we need to kick against it. The same as
we did thirty years ago as we realised that people of different
ethnic origins were really no different to us (I have both black and
asian friends who are far more stereotypically english middle class
than I am, and white friends who are now so entrenched in black
culture that they may as well go full minstrel, can I say full
minstrel still? Well, I've done it now) and began the long road to
accepting homosexuals. It's a shame that women seem to be the last
bit of the jigsaw to be genuinely allowed equal respect, even from
each other in a lot of cases.
I am a product of
my upbringing, we all are. I don't say we should use this as an
excuse, I say we should recognise it, realise our faults because of
it, and work as hard as we can to overcome them, and create a better
world, however unpopular it makes us.
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