Do you, like me,
occasionally find yourself scrolling down your facebook feed and
getting thoroughly annoyed at pictures of babies, legs on beaches,
gurning selfies with cocktails, inspirational phrases on pretty
backgrounds, check-ins at every pub on the pub crawl or whatever it
is that grinds your particular gears? Of course you do, we all do.
However, do you ever take the time to think about the effect your own
posts are having on other people? Of course you don't, nobody does.
As a pet owner,
writer and musician, I am constantly bombarding people with pleas to
read my crap, or listen to my songs, or just look at cute pictures of
my Cats. In the same way as my eyebrows go up and I moan “oh for
fuck's sake not another picture of a baby” I suspect the people
posting the baby pictures think the same thing about these blog
posts, and endless rewordings of the phrase 'please just listen to my
song, it will only take you three minutes, you bastard'. I can't
really blame them, especially since just today I was enough of a twat
to post a picture of me in my new hat because I am so pleased with my
new hat. I mean how self-absorbed do you have to be to think other
people are going to give a shit that you got a new hat (5 likes and
rising so far).
A lot has been said
over the last year about the echo-chambers of social media. But
mostly to do with politics, and the left in particular. There's also
a baby echo-chamber, a pet echo-chamber, a pictures of your dinner
echo-chamber and so on and so on. Luckily for you, there will always
be people who like different things, and so your marathon posting of
every song the new kids on the block ever did from youtube will find
enough likes to convince you that people are enjoying it. I am not. I
don't even enjoy people posting songs I do like from youtube in
massive blocks of 5 or more. Other people seem to though, here's a
really great song by the Trees, post this, and I might click like on
it.
I know a lot of
people are fond of the unfollow button to stop seeing all the baby
pictures/right wing propaganda/keep calm and do something asinine
pictures (seriously, if you don't know about the unfollow button,
google it, you will be much happier). I'm not one of them, I like to
see all of it, otherwise I will end up in an echo chamber of people
who talk boring crap about guitars, comic books and save the whales
left wing hippy shite. I like to see the right-wing propaganda, so I
can challenge it a bit. I like to see the baby pictures (well, I
don't, but it means I know who not to invite round for the next 18
years) and even the game invites let me know another thing about
somebody (that they have nothing better to do with their time than
keep a pretend farm, or throw birds at pigs, get a proper hobby). And
surely the whole point of facebook is to know things about people so
that we don't have to have conversations with them anymore?
Facebook are not
making it easy for me these days, since they now seem to insist on
showing me every picture that my friends have liked from their other
friends, with not one toss given as to whether I know these other
friends or not. This week is always a difficult one for those of us
who aren't fans of gurning children in front of doors wearing freshly
labelled school uniforms, as yet unripped or stained with the heady
mix of grass, chocolate and other children's blood/snot/faeces that
they inevitably will be. Especially when now we get to see the
children of people we have never even met. Although I have to accept
that my niece looked wonderfully psychotic in her first day at school
photo this morning, so I am glad I don't have a children in school
uniform filter fitted yet.
(Thanks to my Sister for letting me post that picture)
Strangely eloquent
minions will always annoy me though, and you may get unfollowed for
posting them. Possibly unfriended, I may even come to your house and
slap you. I have never heard a minion utter a coherent phrase other
than one of their own names, banana, or bottom, so the minions who
are currently telling me that they are strong women who will cut me
up like a muppet if I say anything mean about their
friends/children/hamsters/bananas are a total mystery to me. I am
occasionally tempted to start my own minion quotes account that just
says 'bammely boonage, bap mee barappta binkydoo woonits, bottom'
next to a picture of a grinning twinky wearing goggles.
I mean, seriously?
I've seen everything the minions have done, I like them a lot, I even
sing like them when I am drunk, but this is worse than bitstrips
were.
I know that most of
my friends list is a little lefty bubble of do-gooding-hippies, and
that's good. But luckily it also has a smattering of casual racists,
gun fanatics, smug capitalist fatcats and people I have never met and
have no idea why they sent me a friend request (but you all seem
lovely). This is even better, as it gives me a wider perspective on
the human condition, and I don't even have to leave the house, or get
into arguments in pubs anymore, I have not been punched in the face
in over a decade for laughing at somebody's genuinely held beliefs
now, which is lovely.
Next time you are
wanting to strangle somebody who believes that the only way they can
truly express themselves is by sharing a picture which is just some
white writing on a black background that tells you how how crazy they
are (I know how crazy you guys are already, you're crazy enough to
express yourself through a black and white gif somebody else made in
ten seconds, you mad fuckers you) remember that they think your
kitten is a wanker, your band are shit and the pictures of you and
your wife on the beach make you look fat.
By the way, listen
to my new song, it's about my cat, it's quite funny, and it's only
three minutes long.
i need you back in my life Dave :(
ReplyDeleteMiss you too Maz, cracking hat by the way
Delete:)
Dave ... I didn't read any of the crap above, it looked too much like procrastination to me but is that a new hat? Not that I care or anything ... (I doth jest of course ;)
ReplyDeleteIt was, and it is (very much procrastinating over something I should be doing again) well spotted.
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