As I mentioned in my
last blog (which I have been told was unhelpful and had a
misleading title) I have an average at best voice which has been
forced into the spotlight out of necessity. This was brought into
very clear focus last night when the lead vocalist of one of my bands
couldn't make it and I was once again thrust into the singing spot.
At least it gave me an excuse for the music stand full of lyrics I
had (I've used one for the last twelve years of acoustic duo Rob and
Dave, despite rarely adding new material, and make no excuses for
never having cared enough to learn the words). Lyric learning tip,
run through the words in your head (keep the words out of sight, just
check you're doing them right occasionally) while you're doing
something entirely mundane like walking to work or washing dishes and
they stick easily. I haven't bothered, but I used to care enough to.
I
know, I used this photo last time as well, but I honestly can't think
of any better one to use
In light of last
night's near-disaster, I figured the best thing I could do is share
what little I have learned over the years in hopes that it helps
others who don't want to sing but find they have to. As opposed to
the self-indulgent snark of my last piece, sorry.
The first piece of
advice I can give anybody is know your range and stick to it. If you
can't get to the note you are aiming for it will both sound rubbish
(somewhere I have a recording of an eighteen year old me trying to
hit the chorus of Self-Esteem by The Offspring which demonstrates
this to great effect) and destroy your voice. I was reminded of this
while screaming American Woman by the Guess Who last night and then
having to croak the rest of the set: I really should have practised
the songs earlier in the day. If your band are dicks and won't change
the key to a more comfortable one then drop the song, do something
else. Then remind your fuckwit guitar player that people only listen
to the singer anyway.
This leads nicely
into the obvious one, practice. Practice a lot, and at full volume. I
don't. If I practice at all then I tend to do it mumblingly and about
an octave lower than I'd do the song live (unless I am in the car,
and then it is both loud, out of tune, and probably the best workout
my voice ever gets these days). Hence all the trouble with The Guess
Who. You can go for stuff outside of your range when you practice,
since increasing that range is a good thing (though less likely to
work the older you are, sorry) and nobody is there to hear you miss
those notes.
Inhibition is your
enemy. Have none, fear nothing and don't worry about being
embarrassed. I should have curled up in a ball and died a few times
last night, since trying to play John Entwistle bass lines and sing
at the same time is a very good way to not be able to do either. By
manfully singing all the wrong notes and fluffing the bass lines (lot
of root notes, really a lot) I got through it and, depressingly as
always, nobody in the audience even noticed I had fucked it up.
That's how little they care, just go for it. It is both terribly sad,
and incredibly useful that even when they're paying attention they
can't tell when you get it wrong.
Learn an instrument
so you can accompany yourself. Singing along to records with a voice
already there as reference is no good for getting your tuning ear
going. Karaoke machines with flashing words don't help you develop
your sense of timing. Learn to read music, understand intervals,
scales, keys and dynamics. Your voice is an instrument every bit as
hard to master as any other. The more you use it, the better it gets.
But you can't get to the fiddly mechanical bits if you break it and
you can't buy a new one: if it hurts, stop and do it differently.
(From the guy who tried to fix a completely knackered larynx with 3
pints of cider and a marlboro light last night – do as I say, not
as I do. In my defence, it worked in time for War Pigs).
Take lessons,
really. I know I don't, and am always claiming to be self taught, and
may have taken the piss out of you for having lessons, but that's
because of my selective memory. While it's true I never had a lesson,
a solid ten years or so of choir practice and GCSE music does give
you an advantage. And is, in fact, comprised mainly of singing
lessons that I have pretended not to have taken. This will also help
to increase your range – in a much safer way than trying to scream
as high as Ronnie James Dio.
Up
above the streets and houses, Rainbow flying high...
Finally, stand up.
Really, don't ever sing sitting down, and not just because it scares
people into thinking there's going to be a key change when you stand
up. It constricts the diaphragm, stops you being able to access your
lungs properly and makes you look like a dick. If your back is so
fucked that you can't support yourself anymore, get a stool so you're
still upright or find something to lean against.
Be aware that none
of this is approved by any actual singing teachers. These are just
things I have noticed over the course of my accidental singing
career. If you follow them then you too can manage to achieve
mediocrity. In case you think this is all just false modesty, check
out the massively multitracked vocals on this track I recorded a year
or so ago.
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